Something Different

Hey All,

Long time no talk! I have to tell you: I have no space on my computer for more photos. I have an awesome recipe for a quinoa skillet I can't wait to share, but I need to figure out my storage issue first. Doh! In the meantime, here is a pictureless post.

Real talk: Buying a house has been a major time- and energy-suck. I finally got back into the kitchen regularly a few weeks ago. I made a kind of spur-of-the-moment decision to start baking sourdough, so I've been enjoying working the kinks out of that. Hopefully I'll be at a point to share my experiences with you all soon.

Another thing about buying a house: It's stressful for Type-A perfectionists such as myself. (Hi, I'm Cass, and I'm high-strung.) I'm very much an all-or-nothing doer; I hate hate hate leaving jobs and projects unfinished. Which you have to do when you are working on an entire house. Such external, overwhelming sources of stress (coupled with a few more personal stressors) leave me closed off and, let's say, rigid, mentally and emotionally. Two months of this has left me flirting with the edges of anxiety and depression. Recognizing the need to start to turn things around, I picked up a copy of Brene Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection. I've been hearing of Dr. Brown for a few years but this is the first of her work I've really delved into. Her major focus of research is shame, and her findings stem from mountains of data from interviews with "wholehearted" people. I don't know if this book and the exercises within will be helpful, or if they will be like so much self-help mumbo-jumbo.

But here's the thing: Shame is definitely something that I find paralyzing in my life and it is something I need to tackle head-on. I figure, what better way to do that than to lay it all out there, completely out in the open? I struggle immensely with opening up and discussing my deep feelings -- this is something I recognize in myself. I already have a platform that anyone in the world can access. Maybe utilizing it will help me tear down some of those walls.

A few minutes ago, I took an assessment that Dr. Brown recommends called The Self-Compassion Scale. I did not do well. I scored a 1.99 out of 5.00. What a wake-up call that something's gotta give. So here's my attempt at breaking some things down: I've been journaling along with the questions and prompts in the book for the past few days. Tonight I will post my first entry, then I will continue with subsequent ones regularly.

Here is what I hope:

• I hope this will give me practice expressing myself and sharing my honest feelings.
• I hope this will give us a platform for honest discussions regarding feelings of perfectionism, shame, self-compassion, etc.
• I hope this won't be seen for what it is not: a cry for attention and empty platitudes.

Before I get to my journal entry, I just want to say that I hope to hear from any of you who may be experiencing something similar in your life. I'd love it if you commented, or if you have thoughts regarding this book or Brene Brown. If you got your own copy and followed along with me, I'd love that most of all.

Thanks so much for listening. Maybe there will even be food posts interspersed once I (finally) get my storage issue resolved. Ok, here is my first journal entry:

Shame Resilience and Story Claiming (8/14/16)

1. Who do you become when you're backed into that shame corner? I become flustered and incredulous that someone dare question me, call me out, disagree with me, etc. I become anxious and physically rigid. My pulse increases, BP rises, breathing becomes very shallow. I don't like myself in that moment. I wish I could just react better and just be a better, smarter, more articulate, well-rounded, whatever, person, perpetuating the shame cycle. In sum: I become anxious and defensive and it manifests physically.
2. How do you protect yourself? See #1. I become egotistical, defensive, an inflated sense of self. I close myself off so I don't have to fully face criticism, correction, hurt, pain, humiliation, etc.
3. Who do you call to work through the mean-nasties or the cry-and-hides or the people-pleasing? I pretty much only reach out to E. I'm too embarrassed the admit nasty thoughts to other people, unless it's a rare occasion that I'm talking to A or H. I definitely need to work on keeping up with more consistent relationships to have more of an outlet/connection. I've never been even close to a people-pleaser, so I guess I have that going for me, ha.
4. What's the most courageous thing you could do for yourself when you feel small and hurt? I could forgive myself if appropriate. I could tell myself it's ok. I could speak up/confront the issue. I could talk it out with someone I care about. I could address the issue with the perpetrator. I could decide if it's worth letting go and do so.

Spirit Food

The term "soul food" has never really done much for me. I don't relate to the word "soul" -- I find it heavy and unrelatable. I've always been drawn much more to its synonym, spirit, perhaps because of its dual meaning. To me, spirit is the essence of being alive, of being lively, uplifting. Just saying the word itself offers a more joyful experience, to me anyway. All of this is to say: I read a really good book and I wanted to let you know about it.

Reading has always been a favorite pastime of mine. Curling up with a good book or a thought-provoking article truly feeds my spirit. Learning about other cultures, religions, and spiritual practices is such an eye-opening way to expand my horizons, to offer balance to the strict applied science that I employ for 40 hours a week. One of the most fulfilling books I've read is called "Becoming Wise: An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living," by Krista Tippett. If you're a fellow NPR nerd, you'll probably recognize her name. She is the host of "On Being," a show that dives into spiritual, religious, cultural, and scientific inquiries into what it means to be human. (This is my very humble interpretation.) In my opinion, she is one of the best interviewers out there. She has finally written a book to give us all insight into what she has distilled from the twelve years of conversations with scientists, poets, activists, and priests.

I could really go on and on about this book (and her show), but I won't. One chapter really stood out to me and happily is also the most relevant to what I normally discuss here. Flesh: The Body's Grace expounds the scientific and spiritual connection between mind and body. She discusses meditation, yoga, poetry, and... food. And that was what I really needed to hear during this chapter in my life. She discusses an interview she hosted with Dan Barber that struck a chord with me. (If you aren't familiar with his philosophy and work, it's fascinating; consider researching it when you have time.) Dan Barber is credited with bringing "farm to table" to the mainstream, but his work encompasses so much more than that. He talks about food in a spiritual yet practical sense. The science of growing food in an authentically sustainable manner, the process of cooking, the act of nourishing one's body through eating, are all moments to be savored. He explains that there is a correlation between how delicious something tastes (measured in degrees Brix, the concentration of sugar) and how nutritious it is. Now, he's not talking about donuts, obviously, but rather foods like carrots. I find this so fascinating, but also pretty discouraging. When was the last time you tasted a truly delicious carrot? They literally don't make 'em like they used to. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself, I guess.

Another point that was really driven home to me in this chapter was the connection between what we eat, how we eat it, and how that makes us feel, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I gotta be honest with you, it's been a rough few months for us, food-wise, as I alluded in my last post. Sure, we've been eating some frozen veggies and organic, whole grain chicken nuggets as we deal with our temporary partial kitchen. But frozen veggies aren't nearly as satisfying as a big ol' fresh salad that you just chopped up yourself, or even fresh produce cooked in some manner. And frozen organic chicken nuggets are still frozen chicken nuggets. There's no effort, a lack of wholesomeness, less than stellar nourishment. And I am feeling cut off from my mind-body-spiritual connection as a result. It took Krista Tippet and Dan Barber to point that out to me, it was so all-encompassing.

The good new is: tomorrow is the big day. Soon I'll have to tools and space required to help fix that broken connection. I'll definitely be re-reading this book, especially the Flesh chapter, as I go along. I really encourage you to explore this book and see if there's something in it that you need in your life. There is so much more than what I discussed here. There is an abundance of beauty, love, and hope within its pages, which I believe we could all really use right now in this cultural climate.

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Have you read this book? What did you think about it? Is there a similar one you recommend? Have you overcame that lack of mind-body-spirit connection? If so, how? Or how are you planning on starting? Please let me know your thoughts in the comments, I'd love to hear of your experiences!

Hello from CO!

Well now. In my last post I was embarrassed that I hadn't posted in almost two months... over six months later, here I am again! I have an excuse, I swear! My husband and I relocated to BEAUTIFUL Northern Colorado and I couldn't be happier about it! I was offered a job at an area hospital lab in the Transfusion Services department, and something was telling me that I just had to go for it. And I am SO glad we did!

In the meantime, we've been living in a furnished one-bedroom apartment with, like, half a kitchen. Hence the complete lack of posts here. I would like to say that I've been doing the best I can with what I was provided, and that's probably mostly true. But we've been eating way more processed food than we were used to and it's starting to show, heh, and we can definitely feel it. But luckily! We close on our new house in less than two days! We can't wait to start this new chapter in our lives, and I most certainly can't wait to bust all my wonderful kitchen supplies out of their storage locker prison and get back to some healthful, wholesome, homemade meals.

Which brings me to my next point. As we adapt to single-family-home-ownership over the next few months, I think I will be taking this li'l blog o' mine in a little bit of a new direction for awhile. Basically, I'll probably be too distracted by household projects to delve into new recipes much. So I think I will start to incorporate more "lifestyle" into what I write about: cleaning, decorating, gardening, etc., so you can follow along with what we discover along the way. Plus everybody loves learning about cleaning tips and decorating ideas, right? Or is that just me?

Like I said, we are so excited for this new leg in our journey (including Tilly the cat -- she can't wait for more territory to rule over), and I truly hope you'll stay tuned and join me on it. And if you have any advice regarding moving into a new-to-you home, please leave it in the comments -- I'm sure we need all the help we can get! Thanks, and have a beautiful day!

Whoa!

Oh my gosh, you guys! I cannot believe it's been over TWO MONTHS since my last post. Time really got away from me! Sometimes life kinda gets in the way and sucks up all your free time. Want to know what I've been up to lately? Here's a list :)

• My husband and I traveled back to Nebraska at the end of August for my sister-in-law's wedding. It was a wonderful day, the bride was gorgeous, the setting was so pretty and relaxing, and there was cake. What more can you want?
• After the wedding, my dad and I jumped in the car and drove out to western Nebraska so I could spend some time with my family. I got to go kayaking for the first time -- it was so much fun! We spent a gorgeous late summer day on the North Platte River. I didn't realize how badly I needed a little time in nature. I can't think of a better way to recharge.
• While doing so much traveling, I spent some time reevaluating my role as a consumer. Before our trip, I had watched the documentary The True Cost. It's about the social and environmental impacts of the fashion industry, but especially "fast fashion," such as H&M, Forever21, and Target. I wanted to know more, so I picked up the books Overdressed and Wear No Evil to dive a little deeper into responsible fashion.
• Once I had more of an idea of how I was going to adjust my fashion consumer habits, I dove right into the 40 Hanger Closet Challenge. I got rid of about half my clothes, and really focused on keeping things that fit right and made me feel good when I wore them. I went ahead and followed the Challenge's suggestion of buying nice hangers, and I really feel like it made a huge difference. Now when I get dressed, I feel like I am selecting special items from a cute boutique, because my closet is so organized, tidy and put together.
• Next, my husband and I tackled his closet. Now, this is a man who will literally wear something until it falls apart. I can't even tell you how many of his shirts and pants I've had to sneak into the trash. (But after reading Overdressed, I now know to NEVER throw clothes in the trash and to always recycle them!) So to incentivize him a bit, I told him that we could send whatever he wanted to dispose of to Greece to be donated to the Syrian refugees who land there (this was towards the beginning of the massive influx). I am so proud of him -- we sent over 50 pounds of clothes and shoes! I also got him some nicer hangers and did some reorganizing in his closet. All the hangers we no longer needed went to one of my coworkers; her church has a free thrift boutique once a month for people in need, so those were put to good use as well.
• During all of this, a friend recognized my desire to simplify my life and my surroundings, and recommended the book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. It is written by a consultant in Japan who helps clients clean out and organize their homes and offices. I found the book very helpful, but it was definitely written for a different culture. However, the overarching message is one that we all might need to hear from time to time: surround yourself with only things that "spark joy." She also describes the best way to declutter and organize your home, called the KonMari method, so if you need help with that, I'd highly recommend this book.
• In what may have been an act of intervention by the universe, I stumbled upon coupons for a label maker AND plastic storage tubs at Target just as I was getting ready to tackle the rest of our house using the KonMari method. I spent about a week going through the rest of our stuff and getting rid of what no longer sparked joy, and completely reorganizing what was left. I can't even tell you how much cleaner and tidier our house looks now. The old adage, "A place for everything and everything in its place," is truly a game changer.

I have always been someone who has do things in leaps and bounds, not bit by bit. I'm not one of those people who can spend 15 minutes a day working on this project, then 20 minutes on another. Once I start something, I HAVE to finish it. So all the work around our house definitely caused me to lose focus on my cooking and eating habits. Now that the house work has finally calmed down a bit, I'm ready to dust myself off and get back to work in the kitchen and on this li'l blog project. Life is nothing if not full of surprises -- things come up, commitments waver, priorities shift. The important thing is to accept that, and to get done what needs doing, and move on. So I hope you'll join me as I restart my Foodeymoon journey, and maybe I can even offer you a little inspiration if you need it.