Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think

Welcome to Journal Entry #2! I have to say, working through some of this stuff via writing has helped already. I just feel a little bit emotionally lighter today, and I totally appreciate that. A family member sent me a private message after I posted my last entry, and brought up the importance of working on yourself through every life stage. I couldn't agree more. Thanks for being a part of this little journey.

Moving right along into some groundwork: This chapter in The Gifts of Imperfection focuses on authenticity, defined as "...the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are" (pg 50). Dr. Brown believes authenticity encompasses the "courage to be imperfect," setting boundaries, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, and exercising compassion with regard to the daily strengths and struggles we all face. She states that people who live in an authentic manner are able to nurture "...the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe we are enough."

Dr. Brown discovered through her research that speaking out and representing your authentic self is a big shame trigger for women especially. What she found really resonated with me -- it's something I definitely deal with, and I'm sure many of you do, too. I'm just going to quote it verbatim, because I can't say it any better than she did. The struggle to be authentic was described as:

• "Don't make people feel uncomfortable but be honest.
• Don't upset anyone or hurt anyone's feelings but say what's on your mind.
• Sound informed and educated but not like a know-it-all.
• Don't say anything unpopular or controversial but have the courage to disagree with the crowd" (pg 52).

I mean, being true to yourself ranges from difficult at best to a minefield of impossible contradictions at worst. I for sure struggle with the first two (luckily, in my daily life I am surrounded by awesome nerds so I'd have to try REALLY hard to sound like a know-it-all).

I have to admit, I am having kind of a hard time interpreting this chapter. Perhaps I am reading into things too much, but it seems as though Dr. Brown is encouraging us to speak our minds at almost every given turn in order to be authentic. But that's just not me. As stated above, I really don't like making people feel uncomfortable or hurt their feelings. This Midwesterner happens to think there is a time and place for speaking your mind -- perhaps at work and the Thanksgiving table isn't always it. I'd really be interested in your thoughts on this; it's an area I'd like to flesh out more.

Side note: At the end of the next few chapters, there is a challenge to "DIG Deep," which means:

• Get Deliberate
• Get Inspired
• Get Going

 You are supposed to be able to tailor each aspect to the theme of the chapter. I will share each of mine with you, and I'd love to hear what you come up with for your life in return. Here is how I DIG Deep for authenticity:

• Get Deliberate: I think about what I want to say. But I also err on the side of not saying anything to avoid conflict and offense. Authenticity is probably an area I need to work on. But I genuinely don't like conflict -- isn't avoiding it being true to my authentic self? However, when I do speak up, it is deliberate and I do own up to it.
• Get Inspired: Pay attention to how the people you admire handle discussions, debates, etc., but know when to draw the line for you.
• Get Going: I very much feel in line with what Brene says here at least: "If the goal is authenticity and they don't like me, I'm ok" (pg 54). I truly operate in this manner and have for awhile. So I don't feel the need to speak my mind every 7.5 seconds -- maybe that's ok and authentic for me. It's all a balancing act that I will hopefully figure out over time.

Do you struggle with being authentic, or do you have it figured out? How do you DIG Deep to be true to yourself?